Again, it's been a long time...

Or maybe it hasn't been that long, but it sure feels like it has. I'm now 5 weeks into my third year of medical school, another beginning in my super-long journey toward being a doctor. I had my first rotation at Jefferson, in internal medicine, on the Blue team, which meant I took care of patients with cancer and lung disease. Wow. Talk about a crash course in what it is to be a doctor. In the first week, we lost three patients. Granted, we thankfully didn't lose any more after that (that we know of, lots of them went home to hospice), but it was a tough first week.

There were two patients that really stood out. One was an elderly woman who had contracted hepatitis years ago and had required a liver transplant. Seven year slater, she was diagnosed with liver cancer, whic his now metastatic everywhere. The poor woman is in horrible pain all the time, has fistulas all throughout her digestive tract and a chronic abscess in her pelvis, which is colonized with a very resistant form of bacteria. She was in the hospital almost the whole time I was there, sometimes mentally with it, sometimes not...but so, so sick. Once, when the intern asked her where she said "I'm in Hell." She was suffering so much,a nd there was practically nothing to be done for her, but her daughters were terrified to lose her and wanted EVERYTHING done to keep her alive. Seeing how much she suffered, how much pain she was in, shaking there in the bed. It was just awful.

The other patient was a middle-aged woman who came in coughing, with what she thought was an exacerbation of asthma or allergies, or maybe just a reaction to the heat. She really had small-cell lung cancer. She was a heavy smoker, but had never been sick a day in her life, and now in her early 50's, she was sick with one of the worst cancers a person could get. We had to put a stent in her airway to keep the tumor from closing off her breathing before the chemo and radiation could shrink the tumor. We had to get her a stent placed, chemotherapy, and radiation al lin one day. She was very spiritual, and at one point, before her bronchoscopy, I offered to pray with her. It was amazing how much reaching out to her in that way helped her...when I left at the end of my 4 weeks, she gave me a huge hug and called me an angel; said that she knew God would be with her because he sent me to her. It was so, so touching.

Now I'm at a new hospital and will meet new patients, but I wanted to do a little update. Life is really changing, isn't it? It's just so strange how quickly I can go from being a student with my face in a book to being someone who can help people in the hospital. I don't pretend that I know enough medicine to help people in that way yet, but what I can do now feels very, very good :)

On the baby front, well, not really any progress at this time. We've had a HUGE adjustment to make with Megan's new job, the new puppy, my new school environment, the new apartment (and a bunch of landlord issues I don't even want to discuss right now), and even more that I'm sure I'm not even touching on yet...it's just been insane. So all baby plans are on temporary hold, but as soon as I have something to say, I'll say it :)

It's been a while...

Again, it's been a while. After finishing the boards, I started helping Megan to move us, we moved for two days straight, then drove down to Orlando, stayed there 10 days, drove to Hilton Head Island, drove home. Next day, Zoe came home, then two days later, I started orientation for school. I had that until yesterday at 5, then started my Medicine rotation today at 7:30. That's so totally the short version, but I may expand upon it in the future.

My first day was busy, but good. My resident is really nice and I think I'm going to be okay. I was really scared to start after orientation, but I think I'll be just fine :) I need to do a little research now, but I will try to write more later.

The upcoming weeks

This is going to be a loooooong blog post. I have a whole lot to say and I have to say it all today, otherwise I'll have no time to blog and I'll never get to see it! I'll arrange it by topic :D To be helpful, really:

School - I made it through my second year!!!!! I passed my OSCE practical (really well, actually, the graders are on crack) and I'm sure I passed my last exam. Hell, half of it was OB/GYN and I know WAY too much about that anyway. Now on to studying for USMLE Step 1. I have until June 18 to study for the exam and I'm going to be giving 1000% until then. Tomorrow I'm making up a scheudle, then Monday I begin! I can hardly believe that this time has arrived already. I mean, how did I get here? This year flew by so fast (granted, I was preoccupied with TTC most of the time). I can hardly imagine how fast future years will go by. Anyway, I will post some updates on school, but not too many.

Apartments - I don't know if I've posted too much information about this, but we have apartment issues. Our roof has leaked since we moved in and they keep saying they've fixed it, but leak it does. So we told the landlord we were sick of it and wanted out of the lease early. Boy, they sure changed their tune. Apparently they don't want to lose us as tenants, so they want to deal. They've been showing us new apartments right and left, and we think we may have found a new place to live. It's in the best part of our nieghborhood, where there is a Starbucks, our favorite pizza place, our favorite bookstore, our church, the grocery store, our bank, a bakery, and a freaking cheese shop are all within two blocks! I LOVE living in the city sometimes :) Anyway, it has a HUGE yard (not really even by city standards, it's probably 20 feet wide and half a block deep, and fenced...all grassy. The dogs would be in HEAVEN! We haven't toured the inside yet (we will Monday), but we peeked in the windows and could see the kitchen, which is really nice, and the hallway, which is, well, adequate :P Anyway, we're very excited about it and barring catastrophe, we will be moving there before too long!! Which is great, because most of the other apartments we've seen that are less expensive are unworkable for so many reasons :(

TTC - Megan is surging today! However, since it's the weekend and our clinic is the Baby Factory of Great Confusion, we'll be going in for HCG shot on Monday and insemming that same day. It sounds totally cracked to me. Anyway, this cycle is more a formality than anything else, so I'm not overwhelmingly concerned. Meh. What can you do. Anyway, We'll enter the TWW on Monday and know if we're prego two weeks from then, safely separated from my boards testing date.

Adoption - We're trying to decide on public vs. private adoption. We really see plusses and minuses to both options, but we're just not certain yet. We really would like to start with a young child, newborn to 2 years old. We would love to adopt an older child, but since we're young now and have not experienced parenthood yet, we would rather start with an infant or toddler. If anyone out there in cyberspace has a story to share, you're welcome to share it :)

Church - We've had two meetings with Pastor Nice in the last couple of weeks and feel really good about joining. We'll officially join at the Pentecost. I'm really excited to be welcomed into a community that is so attuned to social issues and is 100% accepting of our family! And Megan is really thrilled to get back in touch with her faith, so much that she went to bible study this week and is going to join the choir (once her cold is gone). I think she really needs the human interaction beyond the girl she nannies for. SO happy this is moving forward.

Work - Megan has three interviews! One for a job that could double her income, easily, and give her a very marketable skill. PLEASE let's hope she gets it!!! Pray, hope, whatever you do, pleasepleaseplease! One other is a temporary part time thing for extra income. The other other one is a job that pays better than the nanny thing and has benefits, but isn't as great as the first one. Regardless, we have options, and we're really happy about it :)

Random life - Stupid crap keeps happening. Our vacuum is broken, our showerhead snapped off, our landlord is randomly charging us $40 for an unlock service, damn dog peed on the floor (that NEVER happens...)...blah blah blah. Really, sometimes I wonder if there's someone up there going "HA ha," you know, like Nelson on the Simpsons.

Time for me to go participate in real life now ;)

I'mDoneI'mDoneI'mDone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, that was, like, hard.

Okay, sorry. I'm just so incredibly worn out that I don't have much articulate to say, other than I'm DONE and I don't have to study for two days, then I will be studying more than I ever have in my life for 5 weeks, then VACATION!!! Then I'm a Third Year. Yikes. They're going to hand me a scalpel? Crazy people.

Off to make Mac and Cheese for our crazy post-exam potluck tonight ;) More this weekend...

Scheduling, good news and bad news

I got to switch my OB/GYN rotation to Jefferson! So now I don't have to drive to NJ, which is great! The only bad thing is that my friend won't switch with me for York, so I'm still stuck there. But there's no better way to make sure we get pregnant this cycle than to make sure I have to go to York when the baby is due!

Protocol

Clomid: CD4-10
HSG: This Friday 2:30 p.m.
Monitoring: At home until the day of the surge, then 1 bloodwork and ultrasound to confirm
HCG: Trigger shot with the natural LH surge
Crinone: Whole LP after ovulation

The RE actually came up with this on her own, so we decided to do it. And we really want to know if her tubes/uterus are clear and decided to go full out (well, in terms of our budget this is full-out) for our last try with our last vial of swimmers.

Am I such a dork that I can't wait for Megan to do a HPT after the trigger???

Lol. yeah, I am a dork.

Oh, did I say I PASSED my Physical Dx test? I'm SO relieved. And I almost passed my practice USMLE with NO studying leading up to it, so that made me feel REALLY good. REALLY REALLY.

One more thing, we had our first personal meeting with the pastor of our new church today and it went really well. We found out our church voted unanimously to be Reconciled, which means accepting of gay families. That was just fantastic. And the congregation has a really stron social justice bend, which is appealing to us. Anyway, we meet with him again next week!

Okay, I need to study for my practice Physical Dx test which might be tomorrow. I needed to get a friend to switch times with me (Thank YOU Sarah I LOVE you!!!!) so I could go to the HSG with Megan. I hope it all works out.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

I'm sad. I just got my 3rd Year rotation schedule and I'm slated to go to YORK for 6 weeks in the Spring. YORK. Stupid Stupid Stupid YORK, which is more than two hours away from here by car, which I would not have because we only have one car and Megan will need it. Stupid Stupid Stupid YORK. And I can't switch it with anyone because it has a minimum/maximum enrollment of ONE, which is me, so I can't drop it. Maybe if I can find some nutty person who wants to switch with me, then I can get a different rotation. But this is SO not cool SO not fair.

Here's my full schedule:

July 9 - August 3 : Internal Medicine at Jefferson (Center City)

August 6 - Sept 28: Internal Medicine at Methodist (South Philadelphia)

October 1 - November 9: Surgery at Methodist (South Philadelphia)

November 12 - December 21: Anesthesiology and Ophthalmology at Bryn Mawr Hospital/Wills Eye Hospital (Center City)

January 7 - February 15: OB/GYN at Virtua West New Jersey - Vorhees (SW New Jersey, not that far away)

February 18 - March 28: Pediatrics at Delaware Valley (Jefferson and DuPont Hospital for Children)

March 31 - May 9: Family Medicine in STUPID STUPID YORK (Way the heck far away from Philadelphia)

May 12 - June 20: Psychiatry at Belmont (Center City)

So overall, not bad, except the York thing.

In other news, we still have no idea what we're doing this cycle. I called to report the start of Megan's period yesterday, and they called back saying that the doctor needed to look at the chart before they gave us instructions. WTF??? Are they telling us the doctor hasn't been looking at our chart the whole time????? I should find out today. This is bullshit. I think we need a new RE. I mean, this clinic is top in the area, top in the State, but they're really noncommunicative and apparently the doctors don't look at our chart. Fuckers.

More later...

Eleven. Days. Post. Ovulation.

I had another exam this morning, which I don't think went so well, but I'm reasonably sure I pulled off a Pass. Ah well. On to more obsessive things.

Today Megan is 11 dpo and we're waiting to test until at least tomorrow. I know I haven't posted much about how she's feeling, but here goes a summary:

-Dull pokey feelings in the lower pelvis, worst on CD5 and stopping on CD9.
-Bubbly or fluttery feelings in the lower pelvis, off and on all day, starting around CD6 and still going strong.
-Slightly sore bbs since ovulation, which turned to excrutiating after starting Crinone 7 dpo.
-10 minute dizzy spell 9 dpo after going to the bathroom (she had to pee reallllllly bad on a car trip), another very short one 10 dpo after standing up quickly.

Yeah, so there you have it. If it wasn't for the Crinone, we'd be sure she was pregnant with triplets or something! But no, we need to wait it out. Wait wait wait and wait some more. At least we've made it to 11 dpo without testing! We had a weak moment yesterday, but were way too lazy to go out and buy HPTs.

Oh, right, and Megan's interview! It went really well yesterday and they should let her know today if they're going to hire her! Yeah! Everyone wants my girl :) Helps that she's the BabyWhisperer, she can calm and quiet any baby.

Now it's time to go get my brownies out of the oven (YUM! Thanks Waly for the cool brownie mix!) and study, or something. Three more tests to go and then it's Boards time.

We made it 6 days! And good news...

I'm so glad that tomorrow is the 7th day! We're almost a week down now, so there's not much longer to go. A week from tomorrow, we'll know if we're pregnant. Won't it be neat to in just a short while to be able to say "A week from tomorrow, our baby is due?" I know pregnancy can be hard, but being able to finally know that we're going to have a baby will be MAGIC. Oh, and I borrowed this graphic from uterus x2 :) Too cute...

On a sidenote, the apartment yesterday was just too small for our needs, which was frustrating. It's on one of the BEST properties in Chestnut Hill, but it's just too too too small. Megan's interview went well too :) So yesterday was pretty good...

In other news, I passed my test!!!!!!! I was SO worried and I'm totally relieved that I passed! My friend Kiki gets e-mail on her cell phone, so we knew practically the minute they came up, and I texted Megan so she could check for me. Anyway, it was an 81, so not even a just-squeaking-by kind of grade! Celebraaaaaaaaaation!!!!!!!

So happy, really. Thank you Lord.

Another day down, and slightly less complaining

One more day down, yeah! Megan had an interview today that went well, so we'll see what comes of that. She has another one tonight at 7, and I'll be going to look at an apartment around that time too. It's a top-of-the-hill Chestnut Hill location and it's only a one bedroom, but the price is REALLY reasonable and I think we could really enjoy living there. We'll see. Anyway, it's available right in the correct window for us to move, so I'm really excited about it.

My gripe of the day, I still don't have my grades yet. The stupid class office decided to change how they hand out the course evaluation sheets, 80% of which have to be handed in before they will release the grades. So the people who were supposed to get the evals didn't get them, and now they won't let us have the grades because of THEIR mistake!!! It's an OUTRAGE!! Anyway, I'm very very irritated about this, after a long day of 8 ours in a tablet desk, all I wanted was some reliable information for goodness sake! Grrrrr....

That's all for now. I might post about the apartment and the job interview later if there's important news, if not, until tomorrow!

3/4DPO and USMLE practice. Oh, and snow.

I just finished my first-ever Board exam related test! Yahoo! It really wasn't that bad. I mean, the breadth of the material was immense, but the complexity wasn't too bad. I'm sure I failed it, but at leat I'll have a starting point.

It was SNOWING this morning. A lot. Like 2-3 inches of mushy, slushy, torrential, sideways white gunk. It's April for goodness sake!! What happened to spring??

Megan has an interview for a nanny job at 2 p.m. today, so think of her then!! I hope it goes well, these people are practically our neighbors.

Let's see...what else is going on... Does anyone out there know how to get cats to stop pissing all over creation? The damn cat peed on my pillow a few days ago, and now Megan says she smells something in the living room. I want to KILL THEM!! KILL THEM!!!!! If Megan didn't love them so much, I would be trying to find them new homes. Really really, because they're making me crazy.

Not a lot of TTC news at the moment. Implantation could be happening in the next few days, so we'll need all the positive vibes and prayers we can get! I've been reading that a 22mm follicle is perfect on Clomid, so we'll cling to that thought, and the idea that there are TWO little zygotes floating around in there due to the second ovulation. Cool beans. Literally. Ha ha...I'm SUCH a dork. You all are pretty lucky you don't know me in real life...

Anyway, time to head homeward and make my house not smell like cat piss. DAMN the stupid cats.

Toodles :D

Another day down!

Today we're 2/3DPO and still doing okay. We went to church this morning (3 weeks in a row, yeah!!) and the sermon was about doubt. Anyway, to make a relatively long story short, the reading was from John and talked about Thomas doubting the resurrection, then Jesus coming back and proving to Thomas that he had risen. Anyway, the take-home message the sermon was that there is a little Thomas in all of us, and that to have faith can be HARD sometimes. Perhaps, like when you're dealing with infertilty. Medicine knows so little about fertility, really, and can't control it much, so really, all you can do at this point we're at is leave it up to a higher power and let go. And believe that higher power is out there and that things are going to happen the way they're going to happen. And things don't always go right, but to believe you shouldn't have to see. Sure, we've been praying for months for our family to grow, but that doesn't mean nobody is listening, even though it seems like it.

Okay, on a lighter note, we had a nice day together today despite the RAIN. It's raining and flooding like mad, but we went out for breakfast/lunch at IHOP (mmm waffles...) and did some much-needed grocery shopping. Since then, we've been home and lazy all day :P Chores will need to wait for later in the week, because I guess we needed the rest today. I had a nice chat with my dad too.

Anyway, I'm off to get my junk together for tomorrow. We have a practice Board exam tomorrow. Yikies!!! I can't BELIEVE this is happening already. And I might get the results of my Friday exam, which I'm *really* worried about. Really really. We'll see what happens...

Exam day, 1 DPO, and 0 DPO?

The exam wasn't that great. I need all the prayers and good thoughts I can get, because unless I got some of those guesses right, I didn't pass. Yikes. I know I should have studied more, and I'm just hoping so hard that I squeaked by.

Megan was pretty sure that she ovulated yesterday, but today is getting more O pains, so is she perhaps ovulating again 24 hours later? Is that possible? I know she had one follicle at 22 mm and one a little smaller, so is it possible that it matured and ovulated today? Let me know if you have any input...

So this weekend will be a time for REST and RELAXATION. And probably lots of foot massages for Megan.

In a holding pattern

Not too much to report so far. Megan had her last dose of Clomid yesterday, and today is CD9...so we should be back in business before too long. We got a huge box of gymboree stuff in the mail yesterday, and I do mean huge. We have enough to clothe a small army of toddlers! It's crazy. Anyway, Megan was really in the mood to talk and look at baby stuff yesterday and I really wasn't. This last BFN was really hard for me and I'm only just now getting to the point of not obsessing too much about the whole thing. Maybe today I'll be in more of a baby mood.

Good news is that I finally was able to study some yesterday! I feel like I'm getting back on track, which is really nice. On the bad side, the effing cat peed on my white coat, so I don't have it for grand rounds today. Stupid little shit cat. I swear he's going to goi flying out the window and onto the street one of these days...::growls::

Off to class. Hematology. Yay.

Time for some changes

Megan's period finally came, after a little thrill that we might have been pregnant anyway. ::sigh:: So now we're CD 4 and Megan just started Clomid again. This higher dose is already affecting her...she's moody and her bbs hurt already. Fun week for me! Oh yeah.

So here's what we're doing differently this time, our luckiest fantastic 8th time:

New donor from Xytex, who should have fantastic motility!

Higher dose of Clomid (150 mg), so Megan will have better ovulation!

IUI, to put those swimmers riiiight where they ought to be!

So, like I said, twins for us at Christmas ;) Noel and Jesus. Mary and Joseph? Mary and...Mary?

Anyway, I'm looking forward to this try. When I talked to the nurse, she mentioned that Megan's follicles weren't that great the last couple times...but you know what? She had 18 mm the first time, and the second time she had 18mm (and like a 15 mm immature one) a day or two before ovulation, which is more like she had 20 or 22 mm mature follicle, so that's totally good! So on the higher dose, it should be better. The scary thing I guess is that if this cycle doesn't work out, she'll take clomid for a longer time, and that will be our last Clomid try. Then it's injectables. A lot to think about. So overall, I'm feeling good about this try. That's all we can do, right? Look forward with optimism and never, never look back.

In other news, I got an 87 on my test :) I'm very, very pleased :) Really really :) And I signed up for my 3rd year rotations. I'll post my schedule when I get it!

11/12 DPI and Deflated

Yesterday Megan was feeling even more pregnant than ever before, so we got all geared up and tested this morning, which we think was 11 DPO. And got a very negative test :( So, even though it's really early, I'm feeling deflated. It's so hard that it feels like, for our age, we've been at this thing way too long and nothing seems to be working out the way it should. I mean, we changed donors, got the fertility meds, and still nothing. I don't know, I wouldn't call this a pessimistic feeling, just a reality check that this is a long, long road for some people.



On the message board I post on there have been about 5 or 6 new pregnancies this month. Some of them are people on their first try, all the way up through an "Old Codger" who has been trying (medicated) for ages and just got pregnant on a natural cycle. I don't know, I'm happy for them, especially those who this has been such a long road for, but I'm a little disappointed. I mean, at 24, Megan should have top-notch fertility. She should have been one of those who made it on the first try. And, well, we sort of did, but...::sigh:: I don't know.



I'm still hopeful that we'll get a different answer when she goes in for a Beta, but at least now I'm very in touch with the reality of this situation.


Back to studies. Serious exam tomorrow that's going to kick my lousy distracted ass. Ophthalmology, Psychiatry, Neurology, and a little Anesthesia to boot. *I* need anesthesia!!! But I'm doing this for Fudge...Right...here he is again for your enjoyment ;) How could you not try hard for him?

My God, I'm going nuts.

AGONZING

So, I'm an idiot and I left my class syllabus in the car last night after L-Word, so I couldn't really go to class today. Megan will be home soon, and then I can get back on track, but DAMN IT I needed to study!!! So I've been cozied up with my pathology text all day and am taking a break from Multiple Sclerosis. I'm so worried because I feel really behind, and Neuro/Ophth/Psych are really challenging, but I don't really have room to complain. Not like it will change anything! Luckily, I have no affiliate visit or small group/clinical skills sessions this week, so I can focus on my studies and hopefully catch up. At least I'm only 8 lectures behind on listening/highlighting and I think 19 on highlighting only, so that's a surmountable challenge. And I'm doing it all for Fudge, right? Here he is...my inspiration...

This wait is AGONY. Pure agony. I'm hoping and praying for a miracle, that this our 7th try will work, but I'm so worried at the same time. Megan's cramps/sore breasts/sleepiness and insomnia/etc are so promising, but they could be just as easily explained by Clomid and Progesterone, so. Yeah. I don't know what to think. Please please please Lord please...

At least I only have a few more days left, which will fly by because of it being an exam week. And then we'll know! And then we'll truck on, either way :) Yes, that's the mantra...

2 DPI

We inseminated on Saturday and Sunday, so that makes us 2/3 DPI today. Megan started a new job yesterday, which she really likes! She's working with young infants at a really relaxed daycare center and feels like she's making a difference. It's nice she has a distraction from the TWW as well :)

As for me, I'm just over 2 months away from being finished with my second year of medical school. Grades have been much better this year (thanks to my supportive partner and new study buddy, Kiki!) and I can't wait to start rotations in the summer. I dropped out of the MBA program...for many reasons, but too many to list here. Anyway, I'm glad I'm staying with my class now.

We're hoping that this, our 7th try, will be the charm. We felt like our timing was great and Megan seemed VERY fertile at the time, so we're hoping for the best :) Cheers.