And we haven't even done the insem yet! I don't know what it is, but the time leading up to the IUI for me this time is dragging on and on and on. It's like the TWW, only we're hardly waiting for news! ::sigh::
I need to promise myself to stay out of the blogosphere. All the people who have KD's with perfect motility and/or get pregnant on the first try make me jealous, and it's such an unhealthy emotion for me. Megan's body is what it is, our life is what it is, and other people are exactly that. Other people. Not us. Our journey is unique and nobody else is like us. This will happen in time. Everything worth having in life is worth waiting for. Everything.
Oh yes. That's the mantra.
Showing posts with label Blogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blogs. Show all posts
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
A hard day
I feel so bad for Megan. It's only the second day of clomid and she's already getting symptoms. Hopefully this translates to something GOOD for us!!
I also feel bad for her because I'm having a negative day. Out there in the blogosphere, it just seems like everyone gets pregnant on the first try or has to do IVF. I mean, I know that's not the case at all, but my goodness, I just feel so much like this might never work. I mean, I trust the RE and I know that she's doing her best. I trust Megan to take care of her body. And I know our new swimmers are going to be GREAT! But still, I'm so stressed out. I just feel like if it doesn't work this time it's going to kill me. I now I need to work on that attitude, but it's just so challenging.
And I'm torn about the monitoring too. I mean, we really, really, really can't afford to have the $800 of bloodwork done every month. And we can't afford the $1000 for ultrasounds either. We can do the US at the hospital for free, which will be great, because the results can still get to the RE realtime. But the bloodwork, I don't know. What if we don't catch the surge well enough with the OPK at home? Argh!!! I'm just so...yeah. Sad that we have to make this decision. Yeah. Why can't we just have all the money in the world? That would make it much more simple. One day, we'll have enough. One day, I'll be able to support Megan and our family and we won't have to worry about these things. One day SOON. Just not now. I just can't give her enough right now.
I think I'm going to cry.
So, I guess I need to get away from the computer for a while. If I had a picture of a sad face I would put it on here...
I also feel bad for her because I'm having a negative day. Out there in the blogosphere, it just seems like everyone gets pregnant on the first try or has to do IVF. I mean, I know that's not the case at all, but my goodness, I just feel so much like this might never work. I mean, I trust the RE and I know that she's doing her best. I trust Megan to take care of her body. And I know our new swimmers are going to be GREAT! But still, I'm so stressed out. I just feel like if it doesn't work this time it's going to kill me. I now I need to work on that attitude, but it's just so challenging.
And I'm torn about the monitoring too. I mean, we really, really, really can't afford to have the $800 of bloodwork done every month. And we can't afford the $1000 for ultrasounds either. We can do the US at the hospital for free, which will be great, because the results can still get to the RE realtime. But the bloodwork, I don't know. What if we don't catch the surge well enough with the OPK at home? Argh!!! I'm just so...yeah. Sad that we have to make this decision. Yeah. Why can't we just have all the money in the world? That would make it much more simple. One day, we'll have enough. One day, I'll be able to support Megan and our family and we won't have to worry about these things. One day SOON. Just not now. I just can't give her enough right now.
I think I'm going to cry.
So, I guess I need to get away from the computer for a while. If I had a picture of a sad face I would put it on here...
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